Childlike faith

My church has a special prayer service few times a year for any kind of heeling people may need. So we clearly I took my 10 year old daughter with me. In case you haven’t heard she will need a heart transplant. So we are setting there listening to the pastor speak and they play a song that makes me just bawl. This song that they played that written by one of the members whose son has had health issues. When you think about a mother and child at a service like this. You picture the mother holding the child… Well that’s not exactly how it end down in my case. The whole time my 10 year old daughter held on to me. I know part of reason was because shes scared too and wanted comfort. But part of it was to comfort me. Despite my worries, despite her father’s worries, despite her step parents worries, or even her grandparents worries. Her worries, fairs and pain is worse then anyone else. Yet she has these times where she becomes my rock. Her faith has amazing. She knows what is at store even how the transplant has to happen. Yet she knows the Lord is watching over her. She also decided this year to not do Cheerleading but to do chair at church. She has such a beautiful voice too. As we set that this service and the coming to the end of this service. All the leaders of the church also pray for anyone who needs heeling. As they came over to my daughter and she told them what all was going on, the people behind us, people I have never met. Put their hands on my daughter and prayed with us. She also decides to get anointed in oil. She told the group of people crowding her that its an invisible cross that never goes away. Its amazing to me that many adults would be questioning the love God has for them during times like this. Yet a 10 year old facing an impossible situation not only has amazing faith but its even grown. This is the very kind of thing when the bible speaks of childlike faith. Imagine what God could achieve in our lives if us grown ups had faith like this. If a child could have faith unfailing faith, there is no reason we can’t. So come to the Lord like a child. The Lord is for you not against you.

 But Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.”-Matthew 19:14


Even if your soul aches

I have thought about how will my BIG come back video be. I have written many types of ideas and all I can think “I’m not strong enough, I can’t take anymore.” I am quoting my favorite band’s new song. But its how I have been feeling this past year. I have neglected to do what I love to do because I wanted to hide the udder agony my heart…No my soul is under. 2017………..HATES ME LOL When the New Year came I thought it was going to be the most wonderful year yet. A friend of mine and I decided to start a vlogging team and make my vlogs look more professional. I thought 2017 is going to rock. But instead I’m losing bad. The day after winter break ended my daughter got really sick and has been hospitalized off and on this past year. Plus my mom got in to a car accident that required her to have metal in to her leg. That two was a scary day, we didn’t even know she was in the hospital till the next day. We have learned my daughter will need a heart transplant soon. We always knew this could be a possibility for her, but never thought we’d hear the word TRANSPLANT at 10 years old. Last year she was cheering at basketball games and this year she has days when shes too sick for school. So why did I all of a sudden come back? Let’s be honest no one wants to hear about inspirational stuff from someone whose life is in so much chaos. I can’t be bubbly and smiling when I don’t know if I will lose my own child or not. My reason for coming back is summed up by one word…No one name and that’s Jesus. A leader, a vlogger, a youth pastor, or even a head pastor, all goes though tough times. But what do we do when times are so bad our soul aches not just heart but soul? The truth is you just rely on Jesus. The night this all went down on January 11th, I went into the hospital chapel and just sat there quietly. I had a prayer in my head going over and over but honestly I just wanted to feel the Lord. And the weird thing is everyone I know has been plagued with tough times this past year. That’s why I still want to do this stuff. Sometimes God uses us during our tough times to help left others up. I wish I would say more then just your average cliche stuff  but its true. No one will know our pain more then God. God watched his own son suffer and die, so I know he feels my pain. Its comforting to know that our creator, the almighty, the IAM knows our suffering. I don’t know what your going through right know. Things could be great for you or things could be really bad. I don’t know but I am proof that the Lord walks with you. Nothing is to hard for the Lord to handle and we may not always like his plan. But he will be with us no matter what we have done or what we are facing. Cast your burdens on to him because he knows the suffering before we experience it. Never ever forget that The Lord is for you not against you.

 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. Ezekiel 36:26

The unforgiveable

Is there a sin unforgivable? I used think there was, to me there are sins and the are SINS. In my eyes there where the typical sins that everyone and these are the sins that everyone commits. Most of us lie at some point in our life. Most of us want something someone else has. Most of us use the Lord’s name in vain, even if just an accident. And even with adultery, I always believed there is a different between 2 people in love taking that step. And then there is cheating. To me there was sinning and there was hurting others…… Boy did I have that WRONG. I have found myself in position where the Lord has mended many different things in my life and one as I saw as unforgivable. A friend showed me a Youtube video by the Youtuber Prince Ea called “She said I am gonna kill you.” To sum up what this video is about Prince Ea tells a story about a young man who killed another young man. At the trial the murdered boy’s mother says “I’m Gonna Kill.” After awhile the boy’s mother visits her son’s killer in prison and she gets to know him a little more. After that she continues to visit him and even send him things. When he gets out of prison the boys mother helps him find a job and even allows him to stay at her house. After a few months the woman explains that what she meant by killing him, was that she was going to make the little boy die and turn him into a man. So she also adopts him as her sun, even though he murdered her son. See the reality of it he murdered the poor boy because he didn’t know any better. He had no guidance or family to love him so he got into a gang. That’s the thing is sin is a sin and no sin is unforgivable in God’s eyes. Sometimes we are given the apparently to be the guidance or bible someone else may ever have. Love can do wonders for a person and showing others the same love and forgiveness that we where shown by the Lord can truly change a person. It can truly change us well. Remember the Lord is not only for you not against you.

If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land. 2 Chronicles 7:14

The Nerds of Darkness

You have been doomed ever since you lost the ability to love.

Through out my childhood and teen years I struggled really hard living some of things I like. I was made to believe that living even something by C.W Lewis and J R R Tolken was against God. I was to scared to even read Harry Potter because I was convinced that the Devil would pop of the book and possess me. Well see until I was about 17 Christianity wasn’t the only religion I was raised around. Although my mom highly disagrees know she used to be a Pagan. So I was l also raised around May Pales, crystals, circles and magic spells…Although I learned quickly what was really behind all this stuff. In fact although I love my fantasy and Sci Fi the real reason I am so picking about some things, is because I had a very traumatizing experience. But when I started going through confirmation class my Pastor had tried everything to get me to stop likely all these Fantasy stories. When I was 15 I rebled against the church and started studying Wicca. I even practiced witch craft and did tarot cards. A couple years later though I had friends get me into another church that showed me the light if you will. Flash forward to now, I and some friends who are all Christian Nerds like myself came across a movie that basically makes it look evil and bad to like this stuff. At the end of the movie they even burn J R R Tolken and C.W Lewis books…. So I sat here thinking again with this stuff but honestly thought maybe God is telling me something. I decided to pray and ask God what was right. Well than I came across another movie about that is about finding out what God’s love really looks like. Towards the middle of the movie the group of film makes goes to a Occult and Witch craft festival, expecting God just show up and fight against all the evil. But that’s not what happens, after trying to provoke God to show up. He realized that God doesn’t want to fight, God wants to love. People have a habit of demonizing people and making people who are just different evil. God loves us all and wants us all to come to him. Even when I rebled against the church in my heart I believed in Jesus and I knew he was the only way to entral life. These authors yes even the author of Harry Potter who is a Christian kept me believing in the Lord. Because the Lord was the center of all their books and movies. I definitely believe in being careful in what we get involved, trust me I’ve seen first hand the Devil is behind some of these things. But believe it or not those who are involved in the Occult are also loved by God and things like Lord of the Rings can get them away from the Devil’s clutches. I understand not everyone is comfortable with fantasy and Sci-Fi and hey that’s fine, I will never tell anyone to do something that God doesn’t want to them to do. But I am proof God is everywhere and God can use anything to bring people closer to him. We may know people that might do something that we know is not Christian like but the imparent thing is that God’s love can defeat the devil. My mother was a Pagan and now be is a Christian because she show God’s love in my life. Instead of judging her and demonizing her, I loved her. I also made sure he know many of the things she likes were created by Christians. So remember the Lord is for you not against you.

“But you must always remember that the only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.”

Wherefore Art Thou

O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name. Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, And I’ll no longer be a Capulet.”


When I was a kid my grandfather took me to the Theater for the first time. There sat watching Phantom Of the Opera and  I just feel in love. The acting, the singing, costumes, and the over all awesomeness that comes with the theater. I instantly feel in love the theater and the stage. I dreamed to be on that stage preforming the same acts they the actors were that night. Than in the 9th grade I realize my dream could actually come true. We started studying Shakespeare and everyone was given parts to preform for each character. That first day I was Juliet’s nurse and right before we got to the ball where Romeo and Juliet meet class ended for the day. The next day the girl who was given Juliet’s part was sick and I offered to play Juliet. After that day I was told I was playing Juliet from now on. Than after we finished Romeo and Juliet we read Othello. The teacher says to me “Robin you are play the part of Desdemona.” A role that has attracted notable actresses through centuries, well so says Wikipedia. After we finished Othello my 9th grade English teacher had me stay after class and told me I had a natural talent for acting.She encouraged me to join the drama deportment the the high school. However because I had an IEP my IEP teacher told me I couldn’t handle it. He told me without the medication to help me focus, I’d struggle academically…. That crushed me and what not fulfilling my dream made me struggle academically more than anything. Before I could even think about pro-suing this dream in college I was mom. Than I decided to study something more practical like nursing before I got married. All these years I regretted never fulfilling my dream and felt like I failed myself. Than all of sudden a friend of mine and I come up with some ideas and boom, I am doing the very thing I always wanted to do. See we all have God given talents that we are supposed to help others come to the Lord. But is up to us to open our eyes and use those talents. Its also up to us to make sure we are using those talents the way The Lord wants us too. I am proof no matter how old you are, God can stuff make possible the dreams he placed in your art. So I asked you, What is your dream? What talents did God give you? Are you using your talents the way God intended? Trust me you have talents in you and one day you will be living your dream. All you have to do is believe in yourself and trust in the Lord.

 Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. 1 Peter 4:10

Yoke of His Peace.

There is a book called The Christmas Box which in a nut shell is about a mother mourning the loss of her child. This book has inspired statues called The Angel of Hope. This statue symbolizes the lost of a child and there are many memorial gardens that center around this statue. We actually have a memorial garden with the Angel of Hope in the center around here were we live. My husband and I sometimes go there to mourn the baby we lost through a miscarriage. Recently my oldest daughter cardiologist informed us their her pulmonary artery is narrowing. Since it is narrowing she will have to have a heart catheter. Now the catheter part is not that scary but her pulmonary artery narrowing is. When she was a baby her pulmonary artery was a huge concern and now I am living through this again. Only this time I know what its like to lose a child.I get these daily devotionals in my email each day talking about different things. Today’s devotional gave was about writing down your worries. We all have worries in our daily lives and they can become extremely stressful. We worry about our bills, our children, our spouses, our health, the health of loved ones and so on. The Lord wants us to give him our worried and our burdens. But sometimes that can be hard because our lives can very crazy. So today’s devotional gave the idea to write down your worries, pray about them and then erase them after you’ve prayed for them. Now this maybe something you have to repeat daily but to erase what you drown symbolizes giving it to the Lord. How refusing does it feel after we pray about our worries knowing that something higher then us, higher then anything is in control. Now sometimes its not so easy to just erase what you pray about, sometimes we have to pray for the same things over and over. A while ago my daughter started her own prayer journal. I thought I’d do the same thing. Sometimes life hits us hard and we can’t just potent we are happy with God’s plans, But we can take our worries to him and we can trust no matter what he is walking with this. Christ is for you not against you, even when it feels he isn’t.

Even though I walk through the darkest valley,I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.-Psalm 23:4


The never needing heart ache.

Not too long ago I vlogged about my oldest heart condition and how she become a miracle. At her last yearly cardiologist check up her doctor discovered her Pulmonary Artery is narrowing and she is going to need a heart catheterization procedure. During this procedure they going to put a stent in to help her blood flow better. Now I know this procedure is easy, well easier than anything else she has done. But the fact that her pulmonary artery is narrowing is very scary. I decided that I could either set here and worry myself sick or share this everyone. Storms are going to come into our lives and they can be very scary. Even more so for someone like me who not only lost one baby but also has a child with health issues. I’m not sharing this to be to personal or sharing this to get off my chest. Yes ok truth is a part me is not angry but upset. I will not lie after I had my miscarriage I’m upset as to why God would allow this heart ache again. But the thing is when we have these moments in your lives we need to turn to him. It ok to admit you are worried, scared, or even angry. These emotions don’t make you less of a Christian, even Jesus had those moments. So I decided to turn all this around and share it with you all so you can know that not only are these emotions but give them to the Lord. You are not alone these painful moments in life not only is The Lord by your side but he also gives you people to cling to and help you through. So I hope this inspires you to know when you have storms in your life you are not alone and give your worry or anger to the Lord. Christ is for you not against you.

Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved, for you are my praise.-Jeremiah 17:14